Getting a raise, renting an apartment, buying a car, closing a customer—life is full of negotiations.


To improve, I watched experts, studied books, and practiced in real life.


Here is the system:


The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

-Dale Carnegie


You have to persuade yourself that you absolutely don’t care what happens. If you don’t care, you’ve won. I absolutely promise you, in every serious negotiation, the man or woman who doesn’t care is going to win.

-Felix Dennis



Leverage is about options. If you have alternatives, you can walk away. Similarly, you gain confidence to propose favorable deals. Studies found that leading with an extreme offer subconsciously anchored that number—every $1 increase in opening offer led to a $0.50 increase in final sale price.


Research has shown that, with leverage, even an average negotiator will do pretty well while, without leverage, only highly skilled bargainers achieve their goals.

-G. Richard Shell


Creative solutions

Many factors can matter: price, product, service, risk, time, emotions, relationships. Ask questions to discover the other person’s true goals and motivations. Then brainstorm together to expand the pie and achieve a win-win solution.


The best move you can make in negotiation is to think of an incentive the other person hasn’t even thought of—and then meet it.

-Eli Broad


Take your time

Time pressure overloads people’s brains and worsens deal-making outcomes by an average of 50%. Therefore, take a walk, sleep on it, and give yourself time to think. There will always be other opportunities.


Very few negotiations are begun and concluded in the same sitting. It’s really rare. In fact, if you sit down and actually complete your negotiation in one sitting, you left stuff on the table.

-Chris Voss



Here are two examples showing the system in action:


Getting a raise


Renting an apartment


The truly gifted negotiator, then, is one whose initial position is exaggerated enough to allow for a series of concessions that will yield a desirable final offer from the opponent, yet is not so outlandish as to be seen as illegitimate from the start.

-Robert Cialdini


Fisher R, Ury W. (1991). Getting to yes: Negotiating agreement without giving in. Penguin Books.


Dahlen N, Eichstädt T. (2020). Alternatives vs. time – measuring the force of distinct sources of bargaining power. Group Decision Negotiation: Multidisciplinary Perspective. 388: 56–72.


Magee JC, Galinsky AD, Gruenfeld DH. (2007). Power, propensity to negotiate, and moving first in competitive interactions. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 33(2): 200–212.


Pinkley RL, Neale MA, Bennett RJ. (1994). The impact of alternatives to settlement in dyadic negotiation. Organizational Behavior Human Decision Processes. 57(1): 97–116.


Orr D, Guthrie C. (2006). Anchoring, information, expertise, and negotiation: New insights from meta-analysis. Ohio State Journal Dispute Resolution. 21: 597–628.


Gunia BC et al. (2013). The remarkable robustness of the first-offer effect: Across culture, power, and issues. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 39(12): 1547–1558.


Karagözoğlu E, Kocher MG. (2019). Bargaining under time pressure from deadlines. Experimental Economics. 22: 419–440.


Grimm V, Mengel F. (2011). Let me sleep on it: Delay reduces rejection rates in ultimatum games. Economics Letters. 111: 113–115.


Chernev A, Böckenholt U, Goodman J. (2015). Choice overload: A conceptual review and meta-analysis. Journal Consumer Psychology. 25(2): 333–358.


Hüffmeier J et al. (2014). Being tough or being nice? A meta-analysis on the impact of hard- and softline strategies in distributive negotiations. Journal Management. 40(3): 866–892.


Sharma S, Bottom WP, Elfenbein HA. (2013). On the role of personality, cognitive ability, and emotional intelligence in predicting negotiation outcomes: A meta-analysis. Organizational Psychology Review. 3(4): 293–336.

Did you enjoy this chapter? Read the full book. Download your free copy: EPUB PDF

Copyright © by Raven Dojo Inc.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty