Dating


For 200,000 years, humans lived in small hunter-gatherer bands. Strong men were better hunters and had more wives and children.

 

About 10,000 years ago, humans started living in tribes and chiefdoms. The murder rate increased from 2% to 5–10% of all deaths. Women mated with warriors who could protect them and their children. For example, the Yanomamö Indians live in the Amazon rainforest and 44% of males have helped kill someone. Killers have an average of 5 children versus 1.6 for non-killers.

 

Women like bad boys. I suspect that’s because their inner cavewoman knows Doormat Man would become Sabertooth Tiger Lunch in short order.

-Angela Knight

 

What women want

In modern times, the murder rate is 6% in Mexico, but only 0.7% in the United States and 0.1% in Western Europe. However, most women are still sexually attracted to men with high status and high testosterone.

 

To become a high-status man, it helps to be:

 

Most men who ever lived did not have descendants who are alive today. Their lines were dead ends. Hence it was necessary to take chances, try new things, be creative, explore other possibilities.

-Roy Baumeister

 

On average, men have 15X more testosterone than women. High testosterone affects men’s minds and bodies:

 

The heroes of romance novels often seem like members of a more evolved species. They are natural leaders, rich, powerful, and well-connected. Their minds are intelligent and savvy, though they are reticent about their abilities and hide their inner demons. Despite the fact that they are a 5-star general or lord of southern England, they hide a troubled and tempestuous soul that can only be healed by the magical balm of a woman’s love.

-Ogi Ogas

 

My fair lady

Across cultures, most men are sexually attracted to young, thin women with high estrogen because they are more fertile.

 

Specifically, women are at peak fertility from ages 20 to 24. Fertility is 6% lower from 25 to 29; 14% from 30 to 34; and 31% from 35 to 39. Risk of infertility is higher in women who are underweight (13%) or obese (250%). And high-estrogen women are 2–3X more likely to get pregnant.

 

On average, premenopausal women have 5X more estrogen than men. High estrogen affects women’s minds and bodies:

 

For example, Playboy Playmates averaged the following measurements from 1960 to 2000:

 

After a lecture of mine on the subject of sex differences in mate preferences, one woman suggested that I should suppress my findings because of the distress they would cause women. Women already have it bad enough in this male-dominated world, she felt, without having scientists tell them that their mating problems may be based in men’s evolved psychology. Yet suppression of this truth is unlikely to help, just as concealing the fact that people have evolved preferences for succulent, ripe fruit is unlikely to change their preferences. Railing against men for the importance they place on beauty, youth and fidelity is like railing against meat eaters because they prefer animal protein.

-David Buss

 

Sexual marketplace

The Grand Bazaar in Istanbul is one of the world’s oldest marketplaces. It has 4,000 shops and attracts 90 million visitors each year. Buyers and sellers haggle to get the best value for money.

 

Like the economic marketplace, men and women compete in the sexual marketplace. At a high level, eggs are more valuable than sperm. But at the local level, there can be large differences in supply and demand:

 

Another marketplace parallel is the tremendous variation in sexual desires. For example, researchers studied 55 million Internet searches for erotic content. The top 30 were: youth (13.54%), gay (4.70%), MILFs (4.27%), breasts (3.95%), cheating wives (3.37%), vaginas (2.82%), penises (2.41%), amateurs (2.36%), mature (2.11%), animation (2.11%), domination & submission (2.1%), incest (1.02%), lesbian (1.86%), black (1.76%), bestiality (1.66%), fat (1.62%), transsexuals (1.29%), anal sex (1.24%), nudism (1.23%), grannies (1.02%), buttocks (0.93%), voyeurs (0.88%), celebrities (0.88%), group sex (0.86%), hairy (0.73%), tattoo (0.72%), games (0.69%), fellatio (0.66%), Asian (0.61%), and skinny (0.58%).

 

Researchers concluded: “if you are a woman, then no matter what your attributes—big or skinny, A-cup or double-E, mother or grandmother—you are the sexual ideal and greatest erotic fantasy for an abundance of men. Similarly, if you are a man, no matter what your character—aggressive or pacifist, witty or stoic, rich or penniless, scarred or delicate—there are plenty of women who can fall in love with you, and if their love is reciprocated, feel intense desire for you.”

 

Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude, and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.

-Jacqueline Bisset

 

Dating system

How can you improve your results in the sexual marketplace? Here is a system:

 

In general, men improve sexual market value by increasing status and masculinity. For women, it’s about being feminine and not overweight.

 

For sales and marketing, it’s important to create a sales funnel. At the top of the funnel are leads—people who are aware of your product. In the middle are potential customers who are actively looking to buy from you or a competitor. At the bottom are customers who are ready to buy from you today.

 

Overall, higher sexual market value + bigger sales funnel = higher probability of dating success. To implement this in your life, let’s dig into the details for men and women.

 

We can think of the number of men and women in a population as a potential mating market where the principles of supply and demand hold sway and where commitment to a relationship is influenced by the availability of partners. The rarer sex has more bargaining power and can get what they want because they are surrounded by available partners. If they aren’t pleased with a relationship they can move on to someone else.

-Ryan Schacht

 

Man in demand

Here are proven ways for men to increase sexual attractiveness:

 

Status

 

Appearance

 

Behavior

 

Tall, dark and handsome was hot. Tall, dark, and handsome with a nestled kitten? Atomic.

-Chloe Neill

 

When women are ovulating, they prefer masculine men. At other times, they prefer kind, gentle providers. A ratio of 80% bad boy to 20% nice guy increases the odds of becoming a sexual partner.

 

Deep in the mind of the modern man is a simple male hunter-gatherer rule: strive to acquire power and use it to lure women who will bear heirs...Likewise, deep in the mind of a modern woman is the same basic hunter-gatherer calculator: strive to acquire a provider husband who will invest food and care in your children; strive to find a lover who can give those children first-class genes. Only if she is very lucky will they be the same man.

-Matt Ridley

 

To help status, appearance, and behavior, here are natural ways for men to boost testosterone:

 

Women want an alpha who learns to be nice to her. In other words, women want their romance heroes to be like coconuts: hard and tough on the outside, but soft and sweet on the inside. But the hero’s sweet interior can’t be available to just anyone. Only the heroine gets to crack him open. The hero is granted free reign to be a badass with everyone else, as long as he’s tender and attentive with the heroine.

-Ogi Ogas

 

To create a sales funnel, the most common ways to meet partners are: online (39%); in a bar or restaurant (27%); through friends (20%); through or as coworkers (11%); through family (7%); in primary or secondary school (5%); in college (4%); in church (4%); and through or as neighbors (3%).

 

Online dating is convenient, but favors men who are physically attractive. And women have an abundance of options. This causes them to seek men who are 23% more attractive than them.

 

An alternative is approaching women in real life. Studies found that 31% of women agreed to dates from strangers. Average-looking men had a response rate of 23% versus 57% for attractive men. Talking to unfamiliar women can be awkward and uncomfortable. But the more you do it, the better you’ll become.

 

On average, men desire sex more than women. For example, they send 80% of first messages for online dating. Therefore, it’s usually up to men to move things along.

 

Here is a 3-date process for demonstrating sexual intent and determining if a woman is interested:

 

Men tend to overestimate women’s sexual interest. It’s important to notice body language and stop immediately if there’s no consent.

 

When men see an attractive woman, they fantasize about sex. When women see an attractive man, they fantasize about a relationship.

-Alexandra Potter

 

About 50% of women are more open to casual sex. Predictors include younger age and higher testosterone. Like men, high testosterone affects women’s bodies, such as a larger jaw and bigger chin. The trade-off is these women are more likely to cheat or break up.

 

Sports stars show how everything works together. They are masculine, muscular leaders. Their testosterone is higher from winning games and sleeping with groupies. Publicity and packed stadiums create a big sales funnel. Finally, women desire men who are attractive to other women—more fans lead to more fans.

 

The maternal instinct leads a woman to prefer a tenth share in a first-rate man to the exclusive possession of a third-rate one.

-George Bernard Shaw

 

Femme fatale

Here are proven ways for women to increase sexual attractiveness:

 

Appearance

 

Behavior

 

For example, students on a 6-week archeology expedition rated each other’s intelligence, work ethic, and physical attractiveness on the first and last day. For women, initial ratings of physical attractiveness accounted for 60% of final ratings. In contrast, men’s initial ratings accounted for only 20% of final ratings. In other words, men cared more about looks than women.

 

There were exceptions. For example, one woman’s physical attractiveness rating increased from 3 to 8 on a 10-point scale. Over time, men appreciated her hard work and warm personality.

 

For women, being lovable is the key to attracting the best mate. For men, however, it was more a matter of beating out lots of other men even to have a chance for a mate.

-Roy Baumeister

 

Like men, women can increase their sales funnel by approaching men in real life. Studies found that 37% of men agreed to dates from strangers. It’s even easier to get casual sex. When approached by average-looking women, 60% of men agreed to sex. For attractive women, the rate was 83%.

 

I’m probably like 160 pounds right now and I can catch a dick whenever I want, like, that’s the truth. It’s not a problem!

-Amy Schumer

 

For women seeking marriage, there are challenges in getting men to commit:

 

Sexual economics theory depicts many romantic pairings as exchanges in which the man brings money and other resources, while the woman contributes sex. Her sexual desirability is based partly on her looks. These resources change over time in a way that is not kind to women. If a man and a woman wait 5 years, as compared to marrying now, things likely change in different directions. His salary and bank account are likely to increase over those years. Her face and body may lose some of their bloom. Hence when they revisit the marriage market, his appeal and his options will have increased, while hers have decreased.

-Roy Baumeister

 

She comes first

A survey of 53,000 Americans found that 95% of men usually orgasmed during sex versus 65% of women. To fix this gap, men should focus on women’s pleasure first, whether it’s with oral sex, fingering, or a vibrator. When women orgasm, their vaginas become lubricated and engorged. This makes sex better for both partners.

 

It takes time to learn what feels good for a woman. For example, researchers found that college women orgasmed in 11% of first hookups versus 67% of sex with long-term partners.

 

For intense female pleasure, there is a couples’ technique called “The 15-Minute Orgasm”. It involves lightly stroking the side of the clitoris for 15 minutes. You can search online for instructions and diagrams.

 

The male brain is designed for sexual jealousy. Men are suspicious about whom a woman has slept with and frequently press their partner on how many times she’s previously had sex; most women are savvy enough to round this number down. Likewise, the female brain is designed for emotional jealousy. Women usually push their partner to reveal how many times he’s previously been in love; men are often foolish enough to provide a figure other than zero. Ultimately, a woman wants to feel that a man loves her, and her alone, unconditionally and forever—and that none of a man’s previous women ever rose to anywhere near the same level.

-Ogi Ogas

 

Safe sex

In the United States, the following numbers of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are contracted each year:

 

These bacterial and parasitic STIs are curable with antibiotics. In contrast, STIs caused by viruses are treatable, but not curable. The following numbers of Americans are chronically infected:

 

In 2008, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) tested homosexual and bisexual men in 21 major cities and found that 1 in 5 were infected with HIV. Over 40% were unaware of their infection.

 

Whatever your sexual orientation, practice safe sex and get tested regularly. And insist that your partner gets tested. Finally, the CDC recommends HPV vaccination to prevent genital warts and cervical cancer.

 

There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be.

-Norman Mailer


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